


Three Times It Scared Them And One Time It Came Naturally

by Argent_the_Gay



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 3+1, Fluff, M/M, There is also sex, but thats to be expected, i have... no tags for this, its a 3+1, just read it, legit, matt and shiro both go into panic attacks, nice fluff, on separate occasions, thats in the last chapter tho, there is angst I guess, trust me youll like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 10:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13188315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Argent_the_Gay/pseuds/Argent_the_Gay
Summary: Shiro and Matt have a bit of trouble adjusting to being together again. This is them getting past some of their hurdles.





	1. Reunion

Shiro was content, for once. There weren't any problems as he and the rest of the crew prepared for their assault. Pidge was off on a personal mission of sorts, though he wasn't entirely sure what it entailed, while Keith was off with the Blade of Marmora again.

In the back of his mind he wished again that Keith had stayed, but ultimately it was his choice that they had all discussed as a group. So he worked to distract himself from his darker thoughts with the work he was doing for these aliens.

It was easy to lose track of time when you're actually occupied, so to have yourself tapped on the shoulder and asked if you needed a hand by someone you were missing just a couple hours ago might be a bit surprising. Of course, Keith stopping by after missions to help out wasn't unusual, he removed his hood and mask and fell into the rhythm as usual.

It was relaxing again, until Keith spoke up to him, “moving these boxes reminds me of when I helped you move dorms.” He said absently, but it seemed to trigger something inside of Shiro as he lifted another box.

“Yeah?” Was all the black paladin could manage.

“Matt wouldn't stop complaining about being useless.”

Right. Matt. The man Shiro left behind…

“Hello? Ship to Shiro?” Keith tried. “Don't tell me you're falling into some depressive episode because I mentioned your boyfriend.” Keith crossed his arms, having already unloaded his crate.

Shiro shook his head, ready to lie when the green lion landed nearby. Everyone made their way over, ready to greet Pidge and see how her ‘personal mission’ went.

Of course, that was when Shiro was questioning what was in the alien soup he had for lunch.

“Matt?”

“Shiro?”

“Oh fu-”

“Don't ruin the moment, Pidge.”

In front of the green lion stood Matthew Holt, taller and a bit broader in the shoulders than Shiro remembered him. But still somehow bright in the eyes and letting off the light of a thousand suns.

Before he could process it, Matt was in front of him, grinning. “It's so good to see you again!” A bit of an awkward air filled the space around them as Matt straightened. “Uhm, sir.” He stuck out his hand, blushing a bit.

Shiro couldn't help the laugh that bubbled in his chest as he reached out, grasping Matt’s hand and pulling him to his chest. “You're real…” He breathed into the soft brown hair.

If there was any conversation going on around them, Shiro had long since tuned it out, only aware of the gentle shaking of Matt’s shoulders. Shiro guessed he wasn't prepared for this, but instead of crying he fell into a fit of giggles, which was okay with him for now.

~

Later, after an extensive tour by Pidge of the castle ship and some more in depth introductions by the crew with the company of milkshakes, one of which Matt confiscated from Keith (“I'm not going to let you get sick.”), Shiro and Matt found themselves alone.

Thoughts filled both of their minds. Memories of lazy Saturday mornings, void of homework, cuddled into each other's arms. Whispers of words both had nearly forgotten but never lost hope in. The familiar fondness and warmth in the other's eyes that held the same weight as that last peaceful day on Kerberos.

“Matt, I…”

“I forgive you.”

“You, what?”

Matt looked at Shiro seriously, “I know you. Somehow in your mind you twisted things up to seem like you could have somehow saved me and brought me back with you or somehow never got us in this mess to begin with.” He explained, “but it's not your fault and for whatever you think is your fault, everything is forgiven.” He smiled, shifting a bit closer to Shiro.

To say that the black paladin was speechless was a bit of an understatement. Matt read him as though he was printed with size 72 font. But still, it was part of why he loved Matt. He knew what Shiro was thinking and said what Shiro needed to hear. All that was left was…

“But are we still the same people?” Shiro asked him, worrying at his lip.

Matt put his hand on Shiro’s interlacing their fingers, “I’m willing to find out.”

Shiro felt his mouth open to say something, but no words left him, instead he stared at Matt in slight awe, taking in his features. He had the small quirk of his lips he always had when he was nervous but facing something he was fearful of, the freckles dotting his cheeks and nose bringing out the gold flecks in his brown eyes. His hair was still a bit curly, just like he remembered, but less contained than it once was. Shiro reached up and pushed some of Matt’s hair out of his face, letting his palm rest against his cheek with his thumb gliding over the scar.

Matt’s eyes closed with a gentle sigh, nudging his cheek further into Shiro’s hand. How open the engineer’s expression was tugged at Shiro’s heart and he leaned forward, resting his head against Matt’s. His heart was hammering in his chest, that small gesture of affection being the most he could manage at the moment.

A tear fell down Matt’s face, “I missed you, Takashi.”


	2. You Should Sleep

It had been a few months since Matt had arrived and, though it was difficult for both of them to be in the same room at first, he and Shiro managed to fall into their old habits. Now, they don’t know what they’d do if the other wasn’t in the same bed.

Matt had gone to bed first, a few hours previously, but Shiro felt that there was still something he could do, at least remotely. That being his attempt at remembering calculus to help Matt and Pidge with their project.

At about two in the morning, according to the synced clock on the ship, he was surprised by a pair of arms wrapping around his shoulder. If it was anyone else, in any other way, Shiro would have panicked and fallen into Soldier Mode.

“How long ‘ave you been up?” Matt asked him, sleep coloring every word he spoke. Shiro noticed, with fond amusement, that his boyfriend would still gain even a slight trace of his Italian accent when he was tired.

Shiro leaned back in his chair, turning his head a bit to brush a soft kiss against Matt’s cheek. “I haven’t gone to bed yet.”

Matt was smiling a bit, but it fell at Shiro’s words. “You need to sleep. Whatever you’re doing,” he squinted at the hard-light screen in front of them, “the calculations can wait until we’re rested again. Come on, you’re probably more exhausted than you feel.” He said, doing his best to pull Shiro up from the chair.

Of course, Shiro knew he was quite tired, but once he was standing he couldn’t help himself but to lean down and steal a few kisses from the man he loved.

Matt accepted them, as slow and warm as they were, and continued to tug the black paladin towards the bed. After laying down, Shiro continued to lean over Matt, peppering kisses all over his face. The engineer couldn’t help but burst into giggles, wrapping his arms lovingly around Shiro’s neck.

When Shiro lifted himself up again, pulling his lips away from Matt, his eyes went wide as though a ghost was staring at him.

“Shiro…?” Matt called, reaching up to cup Shiro’s face, watching fearfully as the light slowly began to come back to his eyes.

Shiro leaned into his boyfriend’s hands, letting his head rest on Matt’s shoulder as tears threatened to spill. “I’m so sorry…” He said, his voice hoarse with emotion.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, what’s wrong?” Matt asked, adjusting his arms to rub his back.

“I left you there… I never saw you again after that day… I _attacked_  you…” Shiro sobbed, gripping onto the material of Matt’s shirt. “How could you forgive me for that…”

Matt closed his eyes, remembering the fear he felt when Shiro sliced his leg. He remembered the breaking of his heart when Shiro was taken away, telling him to take care of his father. A promise Matt failed to keep, but in that moment Matt could think of nothing more than the fact that Shiro was most likely dead after that…

“I forgave you… because you saved me.” Matt said softly, nuzzling his nose against Shiro’s head. “I still forgive you and I always will. Sometimes a sacrifice has to be made for something good to come out of it.”

“But I abandoned you-”

“Is that how you see it?” Matt interjected. “I don’t see it like that. You went and found help. You left and took a chance that something or someone out there would be able to stop the Galra. And you succeeded. You have the paladins, you reunited with Keith, you’ve protected my sister and helped her grow, and most of all you are working to putting an end to those who once imprisoned us.” Shiro had pulled away, staring into Matt’s eyes. Matt knew what was going through Shiro’s thoughts, “dad may not have survived, but he knew that if he didn’t die on Kerberos that he was going to go shortly after. He would only be glad that it was a quick death instead of having to suffer through senality.”

Shiro should have been horrified to hear Matt talk about his own father like that, but Shiro knew Samuel Holt, and he knew that Matt was right. So he laughed, slipping his arms under and around Matt’s waist, holding him close. “Thanks Matt… you always know what to say.”

“That’s why you keep me around, right? You and Keith both have problems with coming to the wrong conclusions about things, I swear.” Matt shook his head, brown hair brushing against Shiro’s cheek.


	3. It's Alright

They were so close. Close to being done with the Galra empire. Close to being able to live in peace again. It had been three years, but every second ticked down to the end. Every battle drew more desperate on both sides, leaving the team exhausted.

When nothing was amiss, and everything was clear and secure, the paladins managed to relax for awhile. Matt and Shiro, especially, deserved the extra rest.

For the most part, the pair spent their down time in their room, holding each other tightly in their half-awake state of mind. When they were both coaxed into consciousness by their bodies, which refused to let them relax, something about the closeness of their bodies reignited a small flame between them that they didn’t know if they were ready to face again.

It started with soft touches, hands gliding along the other’s sides and arms. Impossibly gentle and soothing. Then, their eyes met, and their lips came together in a kiss that felt like their first. It was chaste and short and sweet and neither could ever forget the familiar taste of their partner, begging for more.

They came together again, smiles growing on their faces and their thoughts lost to the morning hours that cursed them. Shiro shifted, resting his left hand on Matt’s hip and using his metal hand to brace himself on their bed as they let themselves slip into their desires.

Matt dug his fingers into Shiro’s short hair, a giggle escaping him as they became more passionate, a loving blush coloring both of their cheeks. Neither of them dared to say a word, instead reveling in the feelings that they believed would never be reached again.

That was when Shiro moved his hand upward, sliding slowly underneath the fabric of Matt’s loose bed shirt. The feeling of Shiro’s skin pressing against Matt’s was electric, causing him to gasp. Shiro took advantage of this and nipped at his lip, deepening their kiss further. Shiro let his palm settle for a moment, as though testing the waters of what was okay.

They had discussed their… previous activities before Kerberos a few times. Had acknowledged that if they wanted to resume such antics that they would have to take it slowly and surely, aware that their bodies might react negatively.

Matt though. Matt wasn’t expecting to be sent into a panic attack. He didn’t realize that that was the reason for his loss of breath and his rapid heartbeat, but Shiro noticed.

Shiro pulled away from his boyfriend, a crease settling between his brows. “Matt, are you alright?” He asked, removing his hand.

Matt could feel the tears building in his eyes, his body squirming until he could focus and pull his shirt back down, wincing to himself. Shiro watched his boyfriend as he began to apologize, curling onto his side, but the black paladin was left speechless.

“I’m sorry, I-I don’t know what came over me it-it just f-felt  _ wrong _ for some reason, I’m sorry-”

“Matt.” Shiro cut him off, wiping away a stray tear. Matt looked at him to see an understanding smile, “may I see?” It was in that moment that they had both become aware of how neither had seen the other dress. Neither of them had shown their scars.

Matt thought on it, before sitting up a bit. He grabbed the hem of his shirt with shaky hands, but couldn’t move them. He winced again, more tears falling and landing on the fabric. “I’m so-sorry- I-I can’t do i-it.” He sobbed, bunching up the gripped fabric and lowering his head.

Shiro gently wrapped his arms around Matt’s shoulders, letting him use his shoulder to cry on. “It’s alright. We all have scars, Matt. You don’t have to show me yours. But… if it’s alright with you, can I show you mine?”

Matt pulled away a bit, his grip leaving his own shirt to hold Shiro’s. “W-would you…” he gulped down the lump in his throat, “would you be alright with that?”

The pilot gave him a nod and they pulled apart a little more. Shiro grabbed the hem of his long sleeved shirt and lifted it slowly over his head before tossing it away. A small gasp escaped Matt, a hand reaching out to trace one of the scars along Shiro’s stomach with his calloused fingertips. Shiro sighed a bit shakily at the touch, but found himself blushing more than anything.

Matt bit his lip, drawing the tip of his fingernail along one scar the stretched from Shiro’s left rib up to his right shoulder, flattening his hand at the end and leaning in to place a soft kiss there. “Matt…”

“I’m glad you showed me…” The engineer whispered, resting his forehead on Shiro’s shoulder again. “I may not have the courage right now to face mine… but I will. And I want you to be the first one I show them to.”

His boyfriend’s words warmed Shiro’s heart, and he embraced him again, the feeling different with Matt against his bare chest, but it wasn’t as unpleasant as he thought it would be. When they pulled away, Matt was smiling again, reaching to touch every scar as though to remember them, leaving a soft warmth that comforted Shiro with every caress. “W-we should… go meet with the others.” He proposed in a small voice.

Matt seemed to hum in thought, still close enough that Shiro could feel his breath against his bare skin. “We could, but we have time to relax. I think we should enjoy it.” He smiled, brushing a kiss against Shiro’s cheek. “My small panic attack left me a bit tired, so I think I’m going to sleep a bit more. It is still early.”

Shiro had to concede that Matt had a point, so when the engineer laid down he couldn’t help but fit himself beside him, holding the man he loved close to his side.


	4. Step in a New Direction

It was over.

It was over?

“It’s over!” Everyone exclaimed as they returned to the ship.

And it was. The war was won and the Galra were defeated. From what they could tell, Lotor took his father’s place formally and proved to those who remained that what his father was trying to achieve would have ultimately been their downfall anyway.

Shiro was the last to step out of his lion, still hung up on the adrenaline. Two ships had docked in the bays and from that direction came two of Shiro’s favorite people. Keith was grinning, seeming proud and self assured of himself for once in his Blade of Marmora uniform, and Matt, cloak flowing as he unclasped it in excitement, running into Shiro’s arms with the brightest expression on his face.

The black paladin couldn’t help but spin his boyfriend around in his arms, holding him tightly. When he set him down, they both leaned in for a much earned kiss, the adrenaline taking hold of them.

There was a mix of worry in their embrace, the worry expected when someone you love goes off to battle, that fear that they may not return. There were many times in the last battle that Shiro thought he was done for, and many times that Matt feared his ship may not stay in tact. But they made it through and were able to be in each other’s arms once more.

“How long are they going to be like that?”

“Back on Altea sharing a passionate moment like this after a great battle was customary between spouses. It generally tells those in witness who you’re married to and that even your love can overcome the greatest of conflicts.”

“Oh please don’t give them even more of a reason to be all gross in public.”

“Wait… but they aren’t married…?”

“They aren’t? I always thought that Shiro was so uncomfortable with other beings flirting with him because he was. So if Matthew and Shiro aren’t wedded… what are they considered on Earth?”

Neither Matt nor Shiro were bothered to pay attention to the conversation going on and instead took the distraction to get away from them all, letting the adrenaline guide them to their room.

This room held importance to them. They were able to face each other after being separated for two years. They had shared it for the past year. They shared countless rain checks with each other over those months as well. From lingering touches to affectionate kisses against their skin.

Now they found themselves sharing another passionate moment in this room, with Shiro pinning Matt against the wall in heated embrace, the door long since locked. When they separated after a few minutes, neither was breathing steadily, flushes coloring their faces and longing whispers of love mixed with their sighs.

Somehow they had better judgement through the heat and pulled away just enough to relax. The adrenaline that had been fueling them began to seep away and they both silently agreed that they were tired, moving to the bed after slipping off their extra layers (with Shiro slipping into the bathroom to find his normal clothes).

Matt was already laying in the bed with one of Shiro’s shirts hanging off of his smaller frame, his hair shaken out of the hair tie he had found and framing his face in the most perfect way. Shiro joined him under the blanket, bare legs intertwining with his own and he couldn’t help but laugh.

They settled down like that, Shiro on his back with Matt’s head resting on his chest. All of the energy finally draining from their bodies and allowing them to fall asleep with each other in their arms.

~

When Shiro awoke, he found Matt looking down on him, smiling. “Morning, hero.” He greeted.

Shiro smiled in return, “morning, starlight,” he muttered, still a bit loopy from sleeping.

Matt blushed and giggled, pushing Shiro’s fringe out of his face, “there are plenty of other stars out there that you can get your light from.” Matt pointed out.

Shiro hummed to that, “maybe, but you’re the warmest.” He countered, wrapping his arms around the engineer’s waist and rolling to practically lay on top of him, nuzzling his neck.

Matt laughed again, slipping his arms around Shiro’s shoulders, “I guess I should feel honored.” He mused, brushing a kiss against Shiro’s temple.

Shiro and Matt stayed like that for a moment, adjusting just a bit so that their lips could meet in a soft kiss. A soft kiss that slowly turned more passionate, leaving both of them breathless. Shiro turned his head to trail his lips along his boyfriend’s jaw and down his neck. When their eyes met, Shiro slowed his movements and offered in an understanding voice, “rain check?”

Matt nodded to him, his smile widening, “we’re in the clear.” And the engineer tugged the black paladin down to his lips, letting the building heat meet between them in soft sighs and gentle touches. Matt took a breath and lifted his shirt, separating from Shiro for a moment to toss the item off of the bed.

It wasn’t the first time Matt had shone Shiro his scars, though Matt was still a bit self-conscious about them. Shiro had taken his time to show love to every single patch of discolored skin, to show his boyfriend that he loved him and his body no matter what happened. The result: at least some self-confidence boost from the engineer. Shiro considered it a win.

And now, here they were, gazing at each other with such an amount of love and trust that both thought their hearts would explode. As though rushed, or perhaps impatient, Shiro yanked off his own sleep shirt and leaned down to his boyfriend, bracing himself on his arms. The two stared for a moment before giggling, meeting in the middle for a kiss and letting their hands wander over the newly bared skin.

Shiro had been watching Matt, he would admit, but Matt watched him too. Shiro watched how much strength the engineer had gained over the course of two years since he had last seen him. The black paladin wanted to memorize every new curve that had appeared, relearn every bit of Matt’s body, just as he had learned him before the Kerberos mission.

The mission that had started their journey.

Their journey that isn't quite over, but instead taking a step in a new direction.

A new direction that both of them wanted to take together.

And this was the first step, in their minds.

Matt reached for the hem of Shiro’s pants, teasing a scar that peeked from beneath the fabric with his thumb. Shiro’s breath hitched in response, his back arching at the contact that progressed lower. Then the engineer flipped them over, a teasing grin decorating his face.

Shiro slipped his hands from Matt’s waist with a smirk, feeling how easy it was to slide them beneath the waistline of the shorts the engineer wore and grabbing at the soft flesh there. Matt gasped softly, a shiver jolting his body from the simple action. Taking a breath, he looked at Shiro carefully, “don’t you have an oil?” He nearly purred, his hips popping back a bit to falling into the pilot’s hands even more easily.

Shiro almost said fuck the oil, but he was smarter than that. So he removed one of his hands and reached for the panel on the wall that acted as a sort of cabinet and gestured to a small array of oils he had found throughout the ship. “Alteans enjoy their flavors, pick yours.” He chuckled.

Matt blushed a bit at that but reached for one regardless and sniffed it for a moment, “I like this one.” Shiro knew he’d pick that one, it was a mix of peppermint and cinnamon almost, and Matt always was one who found comfort in holiday scents. The pilot nodded and sat up a bit, “c-can I prep myself? It’s been a long time... “

“Of course.” Shiro held the container that held the oil and watched as Matt undressed himself the rest of the way. He had to admit that his boyfriend didn’t have the same small body he had when they were younger, before Kerberos, but he was proud of how far Matt had come.

Giving it half a thought, Shiro set the container down for a second to strip himself of his final layers and settling back down. “Are you alright?” Shiro asked as Matt straddled across his thighs.

Matt smirked, reaching into the open container of alien oil to lather his fingers up, “I’ve never been better.” He hummed, reaching behind himself and easing a single digit in. A sigh left Matt’s lips and Shiro couldn’t help but to brush his lips over the pulse point on the engineer’s neck.

Even if it had been years since Matt had dared to touch his body in this way, having Shiro with him and seeing it physical arouse his boyfriend made Matt happy and relaxed, letting all thought fade through the gentle burn of being prepped. Vaguely, he felt Shiro rest his hands on his thighs, stroking them as he let out soft sounds.

“You’re doing so well, starlight.” Shiro whispered, feeling the effect of every sound shoot down his spine to his dick. He nuzzled the soft skin of Matt’s shoulder, feeling the muscles tense and relax as he worked himself open for the pilot.

The praise made Matt keen, slipping a second finger into himself, then a third. He didn’t push the digits further than necessary, he wanted to last as long as he could with Shiro. Soon enough, he felt loose enough, at least as much as he could manage on his own, and he slid his free hand, which had been gripping Shiro’s bicep, up to his boyfriend’s shoulder.

Shiro lifted his head as Matt stilled his movements, their shared, soft breathing the only sound that could be heard in that moment as their eyes met. Matt swallowed down the small lump in his throat, any doubt that he didn’t want to go through with this disappearing completely as he nodded to Shiro.

The black paladin smiled, brushing his lips against the engineer’s as he reached for the oil Matt had used, slicking his own hand with it and pumping his length with it, groaning from the smooth glide of his hand. “M-Matt…” Shiro breathed, feeling a hand join his and continue the motions.

Shiro let his own hand fall short, moving from his shaft back to his boyfriend’s thighs, gliding smoothly over the soft, scarred skin with ease thanks to the oil left on his hand. Instead, Matt had adjusted himself, his breathing picking up as he sat up, aligning his own hips with Shiro’s, and lowered himself.

Blissful, longing gasps escaped them both.

Matt easily bottomed out, fitting himself perfectly on the black paladin’s hips, like he belonged there. And then, they were back in their dorm at the Garrison. Hushed giggles and loving whispers as they made love after lights-out.

They shared a giggle, just like they had when they were younger. Just like they had when their lives were normal. Just like they had when they weren’t scarred. And they came together, grins and sighs and more obscene noises escaping them as they relived their days when their love was secret.

Shiro rolled them over, arms tight around Matt’s waist. They were both lost to the pleasure, to how their bodies remembered how to match the other, to how they still fit as though crafted to be one. Matt keened loudly, arching his back as his prostate was rammed mercilessly.

Everything was amazing and beautiful and just how they both remembered. But it was also different. They were different. But that didn’t matter to them. Shiro loved ever part of Matt, no matter what changed, and Matt loved him the same way. That was why Matt had kissed every scar where the metal met flesh, stroked every joint and marveled at how Shiro reacted to it as though there were nerves. That was why Shiro was patient and showed affection to every muscle that had built since the two had been apart, to every scar that showed a battle Matt had survived.

And now here they were, a mess in their bed, clinging to each other and chasing a release that they both longed for. When it finally came, it was white-hot and the best feeling they could have felt in celebration of victory. Whispered ‘I love you’s and peppered kisses as they cleaned up, Matt wincing as his hips screamed at him to lay down and go back to sleep.

Shiro smiled and picked his boyfriend up, taking him to the Altean equivalent of a bathtub and laying him down as the water filled. Matt sighed as the hot water relaxed him, leaning forward a bit as Shiro climbed in behind him.

Neither regretted taking the step they had. They both found that only time could stop them from living a happy life from then on.


End file.
